Isn’t it funny when someone absurdly far away gets you?  (Yeah, you.)  I also need to stop trying to crawl away when shit hits the fan.  I have many wonderful people that try to be there for me.  Wonder what it is, why is this a defense mechanism.  Why do I keep doing it when it doesn’t work.  I just never want to be a bother.

Shit keeps happening and I don’t understand.  If karma comes back and bites people in the ass, can you please tell me what shit I’ve done to deserve the shit that keeps happening to me? lol

  1. Thunderstorms - I wonder why it’s so calming and why I welcome them so though
  2. Erica at work - she’s a pretty cool person, even though I didn’t want to like her at first :P
    Batman - we always laugh when we talk to each other
  3. Internet radios, listening to Milky Chance’s Stolen Dance atm

  1. Beautiful blue sky with the puffiest clouds
  2. Cage the Elephant playing in my earbuds
  3. Advil PM the past couple of nights 

Dreamlog 9/7/14

There was a house we found, my family and I, that was entwined with the surrounding forest.  Branches and leaves snuck in through crevices and cracks.  We sought shelter in this house and one night, there was another person that came by.  We were amazed that there were other people.  She said she needed help, she needed us to share this house with her.  We were skeptical and suspicious.  And the next thing I knew, I was surrounded by dark people.  They started slicing me.  All sorts of cuts and gashes.  It was like death by a thousand cuts or something.  People stopped them eventually, it all happened so fast.  I woke up and didn’t go back to sleep.

Dreamlog 8/23/14

M was the focal point of the dream.  It was set in a house. Bigger than the one we lived in, in NY.  There were stairs, kind of like the house that Audrey Hepburn lived in in the movie “How to Steal a Million”.

We kinda had a falling out but in the dream she was much more cheerful and opened to me. She was talking about her yoga class and then she invited me to join.
I wasn’t living in the house with her but it seemed like that was the plan.  Her mom was there and I just remembered thinking about all the drama that was involved with living together under one roof.

goal in sight
passion take flight
ambition ignite
dreams enlight

A man fallen,
blisters on both feet.

Humbled and embarrassed
with only one request.

"Socks, please young lady."

Five twenty A M and the thunder roars as loud as ever
The darkest of rooms keeps my solace as I escape my sleep
Crackles and shivers, jolts of energy remind me
that even the sky throws tantrums when things get heavy

Be honest.
Be honest.
Take a deep breath.

I try to breathe out whatever is left.

Speed up.
Speed up.
The process of healing.
So I can move on with time that’s unyielding.

Stability, you tease.
The scales waver to and fro.
An illusion of balance unravels vertigo.

Run, run
in pursuit of a new goal.
Revive what’s lost and feed my soul.


It’s been a bit bumpy past couple of days.  I have acquired yet another ex.  For some reason, I get stuck with the ones that haven’t “found themselves yet”.  Anyways, after listening to this beautiful song, I realize it’s kind of exactly what I did.  There was a little bit of future planning that is now irrelevant.  I gave it my all and was completely wrapped up in a life that I thought was happening.  Nonetheless, I have no regrets.  And I’m actually kind of happy about it.  Goodbye.  Onward, ho!

Never ruin an apology with an excuse.
Benjamin Franklin (via maddyidk)

(Source: creatingaquietmind)

Dreamlog 07/25/14

I don’t know what I’ve been doing lately but my dreams are not nice.

Was at a close friend’s house, but I don’t know who it was.  She had a baby and a delusional, violent ex.  She went to hide somewhere and I was standing between the ex and him moving any further.  I think he wanted to take the baby away.  All of a sudden, knives were in the picture.  He was waving them at me and eventually cutting and stabbing my forearms.

I woke up.

Fell back asleep.

I was on the futon with my dog during a sunny afternoon.  The ex was back and he was trying to take my dog.

I woke up again…What kind of person would do that?  That’s insane.

Mash-Up Issues: When Standards Collide



The great thrill of being a Mash-Up is living as a bridge between cultures. But it can also mean living with clashing expectations of how you behave, how you speak, how you look — of how you live. Our Korean-American Mash-Up Joanne shares with us what it’s like to…

There are many similarities I’ve gone through as a Chinese-American.  I’m a little taller and a little bigger.  When I go overseas I feel like this bloated giant with a foreign accent and I can barely read what’s supposedly my native language.

Chinese is hard!  I’ve only went up to 4th grade in Chinese school when I was younger.  And since then, I have not used it or practiced it.  Much of that knowledge is gone.  My mother is Chinese from Malaysia and she went to an English school.  She couldn’t read or write the characters and so there was no passing down of the art but we both can speak it.  There really isn’t much of an Asian community where I live either (Florida) and even if there is, it isn’t my “flavor” of Asian.

Dreamlog 07/22/14

Haven’t done one of these in awhile.  This morning, in a span of an hour, this is what my brain gave to me.

There was a group of us and we were going to a play rehearsal.  We were going to carpool but I might have to leave early and wanted to drive myself.  When I got to the parking lot, my car was not where I parked it.

Someone I made angry decided drive my car into a lake.  It was some sort of apartment complex setting.  I was shocked, panicky and furious.  Pausing for a few minutes, I was trying to figure out what to do.  Should I call the cops?  Yes.  So I called the cops told them what happened.

Went to go look for S.  For some reason, he was older and fatter.  He was playing poker or something and drinking.  I told him what happened and he didn’t care.  Continued drinking and playing and I ended it.

After that, I was crying.  L was living in the apartment/duplex thing I was at and I started to tell her what happened.  Cop came.  He was my age and decent looking.  He was trying to calm me down and was actually treating me very nicely.  We went around town or something, I’m not sure.

I woke up.

This morning I got a speeding ticket.

What happened?

I’m often amazed at the friendships of others when they announce that they’ve been friends from childhood.  I wonder what the common denominator is.  Is it so hard to meet people nowadays?  Is there a for friendship without the expectation of something more?  Did I move too much when I was younger?  Am I too picky?  Are people too finicky?

I have no idea but I do wish I had a core group of friends that I grew up with or even that I could just be around.  At every stage of my life, I’ll have people to hang out with and such but I never really fit in.  Everyone is so cliquey (especially Asians).  If you weren’t there from the start, you can forget about it.  And then everyone else thinks you’re foreign.  Or, they hang out with shady people.  I want nothing to do with shady people, or leeches, or the things that can’t do anything for themselves.

Maybe I’m too picky.  I’m not going to change that about me though.  Oh well.