M was the focal point of the dream. It was set in a house. Bigger than the one we lived in, in NY. There were stairs, kind of like the house that Audrey Hepburn lived in in the movie “How to Steal a Million”.
goal in sight
passion take flight
A man fallen,
blisters on both feet.
Humbled and embarrassed
with only one request.
"Socks, please young lady."
Five twenty A M and the thunder roars as loud as ever
The darkest of rooms keeps my solace as I escape my sleep
Crackles and shivers, jolts of energy remind me
that even the sky throws tantrums when things get heavy
Take a deep breath.
I try to breathe out whatever is left.
The process of healing.
So I can move on with time that’s unyielding.
Stability, you tease.
The scales waver to and fro.
An illusion of balance unravels vertigo.
in pursuit of a new goal.
Revive what’s lost and feed my soul.
It’s been a bit bumpy past couple of days. I have acquired yet another ex. For some reason, I get stuck with the ones that haven’t “found themselves yet”. Anyways, after listening to this beautiful song, I realize it’s kind of exactly what I did. There was a little bit of future planning that is now irrelevant. I gave it my all and was completely wrapped up in a life that I thought was happening. Nonetheless, I have no regrets. And I’m actually kind of happy about it. Goodbye. Onward, ho!
I don’t know what I’ve been doing lately but my dreams are not nice.
Was at a close friend’s house, but I don’t know who it was. She had a baby and a delusional, violent ex. She went to hide somewhere and I was standing between the ex and him moving any further. I think he wanted to take the baby away. All of a sudden, knives were in the picture. He was waving them at me and eventually cutting and stabbing my forearms.
I woke up.
Fell back asleep.
I was on the futon with my dog during a sunny afternoon. The ex was back and he was trying to take my dog.
I woke up again…What kind of person would do that? That’s insane.
Haven’t done one of these in awhile. This morning, in a span of an hour, this is what my brain gave to me.
There was a group of us and we were going to a play rehearsal. We were going to carpool but I might have to leave early and wanted to drive myself. When I got to the parking lot, my car was not where I parked it.
Someone I made angry decided drive my car into a lake. It was some sort of apartment complex setting. I was shocked, panicky and furious. Pausing for a few minutes, I was trying to figure out what to do. Should I call the cops? Yes. So I called the cops told them what happened.
Went to go look for S. For some reason, he was older and fatter. He was playing poker or something and drinking. I told him what happened and he didn’t care. Continued drinking and playing and I ended it.
After that, I was crying. L was living in the apartment/duplex thing I was at and I started to tell her what happened. Cop came. He was my age and decent looking. He was trying to calm me down and was actually treating me very nicely. We went around town or something, I’m not sure.
I woke up.
This morning I got a speeding ticket.
I’m often amazed at the friendships of others when they announce that they’ve been friends from childhood. I wonder what the common denominator is. Is it so hard to meet people nowadays? Is there a match.com for friendship without the expectation of something more? Did I move too much when I was younger? Am I too picky? Are people too finicky?
I have no idea but I do wish I had a core group of friends that I grew up with or even that I could just be around. At every stage of my life, I’ll have people to hang out with and such but I never really fit in. Everyone is so cliquey (especially Asians). If you weren’t there from the start, you can forget about it. And then everyone else thinks you’re foreign. Or, they hang out with shady people. I want nothing to do with shady people, or leeches, or the things that can’t do anything for themselves.
Maybe I’m too picky. I’m not going to change that about me though. Oh well.
Karma’s a bitch, so why are you taking it out on me?
I have been baking massive amounts of chocolate chip cookies lately because my bf loves them so. Yesterday, I brought the cookie dough over to his house and started to bake them in the oven.
The scent was wonderful and the first batch was done. I put them on the cooling rack and we’re both looking at them. I’m happy because they smell delicious and look gorgeous.
Sean and I were scoping the cookies one by one. He’s adorable in the way that, he always points to his favorite one first. That one will be his victim and it will bring such joy to his being. He asked if he could have one yet, and I told him my method of choosing.
"I always eat the ugly ones first."
There’s a slight pause. He then makes a sour, frowning face and frantically points to a cookie.
"THIS ONE! THIS ONE IS HIDEOUS!!"
Unstoppable laughter ensues and the cookie does not live another minute.
Some people have different hearts y’know?